


I’m Searching For a Love I’ve Lost

by islashlove



Category: Supernatural
Genre: M/M, Pre-Slash, Singing, Song Lyrics, Songfic
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-07-16
Updated: 2015-07-16
Packaged: 2018-04-09 16:49:35
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,467
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/4356854
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/islashlove/pseuds/islashlove
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>A few months earlier and after a major battle, Castiel had just disappeared. After a month looking for him, Sam and Dean split up. While Sam went on hunts, Dean refused to give up and continued the search. Then one night, he just had to get all the pain out of his system.</p>
            </blockquote>





	I’m Searching For a Love I’ve Lost

**Author's Note:**

> This story has been done for the challenge “The first time Dean and Castiel sing karaoke together”
> 
> Yes, this is a song story, BUT, the song being used is MINE! I WROTE IT! At the end of the story is the full song with the pen name I use on my original writings and the date I wrote it.
> 
> Full song is in the end notes

Dean had been on the road for days. He hadn't slept or eaten much in that time. Dean had only one thing on his mind and that was to find Castiel. Pulling the Impala up, he looked over to the hotel, but the sound of laughing and music caught his attention as he climbed out. 

Looking over to where the noise was coming from, he saw that it was a nightclub. Letting out a heavy sigh he grabbed his duffel bag, a six pack of beer and some takeaway food from the car and headed over to the hotel. 

He paid for a room and after putting his bag on the bed, food onto the small table and the beer in the small fridge, Dean headed in and had a shower. Once clean and while he ate his food, Dean thought back to the fight he had with Sam and why they had now gone their own way.

“Damn it, Dean! I think it's time that you accept that Cas is gone.”

“No! I can't believe that you just said that, Sam. Cas is our friend. He can't be...we need to ...”

“To...what, Dean? We've done everything we can possible do. I don't like it either, but it's time we moved on.”

“You move on, Sammy. I'm going to find Castiel. I haven't given up on him yet.”

“Do you even know why you can't let him go?”

“Because he's my friend, that's why and I thought he was yours!”

“He is! But Cas means more to you then he does to me. You need to face it, Dean. You're in love with him and that is why you can't let him go.”

“I...you're wrong. Cas is just a friend and if you won't help me find him. I'll do it on my own.”

Even though it was just a memory, Dean still flinched as he remembered himself slamming the door as he walked out of the bunker and drove away. Sam had been right. They had been searching for Castiel ever since he had disappeared. They had been attacked by some rogue angels and when the dust had settled around them, some of the angels were dead, the rest were gone and so was Castiel. It hurt him that Sam was ready to give up, after only a month of searching, but Dean also understood why. 

That was two months ago when he had walked out on Sam and they went their separate ways. Not that he and Sammy had actually stopped talking. They still had video chats, phone calls and emails. If Sammy had any leads come in, he would send them Dean's way. The same way Dean would let Sam know if there was a possible hunt.

But right now, Dean needed to have a break...and a drink. Opening his second beer, Dean looked out of the window and at the nightclub across the road. Taking a deep swig of his beer, Dean finished it off and then grabbed his coat. He needed more than just a few beers. As he walked over, Dean looked up at the bright name of the club. 

'The Angel's Den!' '

'Nice,' Dean thought to himself. 'Just what I need.'

Once he reached the door, Dean felt like he had been deafened and blinded by the loud music and bright multi-coloured lights that were flashing all around him. Paying the enter fee, Dean just made a bee line straight for the bar. He wasn't interested in dancing, just drinking. So as soon as he had sat down, the bartender was pouring his first, of many, drinks. As he sat there drinking, he observed the club through the mirror behind the bar.

At first it looked like most clubs. A stage where the music was coming from. Pole dancers, dancing. Although he was surprised to see that it was a mixture of both male and female dancers and of course, the floor was full of good looking, young people.

As the night, and drinks, flowed on, the dancing bodies became a swirling mass of hot bodies, but Dean didn't really notice. What he had noticed was, he was more interested in watching the male pole dancer that was dressed in a trench coat like Cas wore.

'Could Sam be right? Could I be in love with Castiel?' Dean thought to himself as he watched the coat fall to the floor. But before he could see the actual dancer, the lights and music stopped. The silence was more deafening then the music was. Then a voice echoed through the darkness.

“Are you ready? It karaoke time!” 

The crowd screamed out and the lights came back on. Dean was a little disappointed to find that the pole dancers had all disappeared. He stuck around and listened to the kids kill the songs they were trying to sing and he kept on drinking. Finally, Dean had reached his limit and after a visit to the toilet, somehow he found himself on stage. Shrugging and guessing he couldn't do any worse than the kids from earlier, Dean picked up the microphone and waited as the music started to play and the words appeared on the screen in front of him.

'I search...you every single day   
And I...that it...was me that...you away.   
But I didn’t know...how much I...care,   
Until you...longer standing there.   
I didn’t...hurt you...way.   
You always seemed...just what to say,   
Now give...the chance...to you   
That...sorry...it’s true'

Dean was missing half the words. Some, because he was that drunk. The rest because he was trying not to cry as the thoughts and memories of Castiel flooded his mind. But he kept on singing.  
'I’m searching.'   
Dean screamed out.  
For the...I’ve lost.   
...Searching  
For forgiveness that...can’t find.   
I’m searching,   
But my love is...to be found.'

Dean heard some footsteps behind him and he was sure that it was the bouncer there to kick him out. But instead of a rough hand on his shoulder, the most amazing voice entered his ears.

'You were always there when I needed you,   
But when you needed me you always knew   
That I wouldn’t be there to comfort you,   
And in the end I knew we were through.'

Dean turned to find Castiel standing there, microphone in hand as he continued to sing.

'I always thought nothing could break us apart,   
But I was wrong right from the start.   
I said the words that made you go.   
I said the words that hurt you so.'  
As Castiel lowered his hand, Dean continued the song.

'I’m searching   
For the love I’ve lost.   
I’m searching   
For forgiveness that I just can’t find.   
I’m searching,   
But my love is nowhere to be found.'  
And now I’m here and all alone   
Because I hurt your soul. 

Dean didn't hold back. He wasn't singing to the crowd anymore, he was singing to Castiel. He was singing for their love.

'Lovers and friends are what I see   
And what my heart says will always be.   
All I want is to see your smiling face once again,   
To hear your laughing voice and take away your pain.   
You don't have to say anything   
All I want is the chance to be able to say.   
I'm sorry that I hurt you that way.' 

Castiel lifted up his microphone and as he stared into Dean's green eyes that were filled with tears, Cas walked over and they both started to sing the final chorus.

'I’m searching   
For the love I’ve lost.   
I’m searching   
For forgiveness that I just can’t find.   
I’m searching,   
But my love is nowhere to be found.   
They just don’t want to be found.' 

“Cas, is that really you?”

“Yes, Dean. It's me. What are you doing here?”

“I...I've been searching for you, but...I couldn't find you.”

“You've found me now, Dean,” Castiel said as he reached out and took Dean's hand.

“Yeah, I've found you and...I love you, Castiel. I really do.”

Castiel closed the distance between them. Never once breaking eye contact. Smiling, Castiel whispered, “I love you too, Dean.”

Then Castiel closed the last of the gap between them and gently pressed their lips together. Dean wouldn't say that right at that point fireworks went off. But the truth was, they did and they were the best fireworks he had ever seen.

“Don't ever leave me again,” Dean whispered as they stood there.

“Let's go home, Dean.”

“Sure, but I have a hotel room that is closer and we can sing all the karaoke together that we want to.”

“You're on.”

With that, Castiel helped a legless Dean walk out of the club and into his hotel room.

The End

**Author's Note:**

> I’m Searching (For a Love I’ve Lost)   
> I search for you every single day   
> Knowing that it was me who drove you away.   
> But I didn’t know just how much I could care,   
> Until you were no longer standing there.   
> I didn’t mean to hurt you that way.   
> You always seemed to know just what to say,   
> Now give me the chance to say to you   
> That I’m so sorry and know it’s true   
> I’m searching   
> For the love I’ve lost.   
> I’m searching   
> For forgiveness that I just can’t find.   
> I’m searching,   
> But my love is nowhere to be found.   
> You were always there when I needed you.  
> But when you needed me you always knew   
> That I wouldn’t be there to comfort you,   
> And in the end I knew we were through.   
> I always thought nothing could break us apart,   
> But I was wrong right from the start.   
> I said the words that made you go.   
> I said the words that hurt you so.   
> I’m searching   
> For the love I’ve lost.   
> I’m searching   
> For forgiveness that I just can’t find.   
> I’m searching,   
> But my love is nowhere to be found.   
> And now I’m here and all alone   
> Because I hurt your soul.   
> Lovers and friends are what I see   
> And what my heart says will always be.   
> All I want is to see your smiling face once again,   
> To hear your voice and take away your pain.   
> You don't have to say anything.   
> All I want is the chance to say.   
> I'm sorry that I hurt you that way.   
> I’m searching   
> For the love I’ve lost.   
> I’m searching   
> For forgiveness that I just can’t find.   
> I’m searching,   
> But my love is nowhere to be found.   
> They just don’t want to be found.   
> By J. J. Jewells  
> 12th of March 2013


End file.
